24 January 2011


The other day I learnt that vampires as we know them could not physically exist. Now, wait! Before you leave my blog henceforth, never to return, listen on!

I recently spoke with a scientist, who was an expert in blood and the transmission of blood-bourne diseases. Apparently blood alone isn't enough to sustain the body (even a dead one - although I guess it depends on what theory of vampirism you believe in...). Compared to a steak which contains 30% protein, blood only contains about 10%. There simply aren't enough nutrients in blood.

So I thought, ok, what about cannibalistic vampires who drink blood and eat flesh? (I see a story developing somewhere down the line!) This would surely fix the problem. Right? But then I was told by my scientist friend that the water content in blood is extremely high. Meaning that a blood drinking vampire would be very, very bloated with all the water.

Which naturally led me to think, what would our gorgeous vampire heros such as Edward Cullen and Stefan Salvatore look like with a serious bout of water retention?

Sadly it's not such a pretty sight. And so, the moral to the story..... there may be truth in science, but there certainly isn't any imagination!

As Oscar Wilde said, "Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative".


David L Macaulay said...

wow - that's one scary fat necked vampire

Jamie (Mithril Wisdom) said...

I think that the whole Twilight saga would have been a lot better if the Cullen clan were a bunch of fatties, hehe.

The way I see the whole vampires thing working depends on if you go with the virus line or the necromancy line.

With the virus line, the 'vampire virus' that is transmitted would alter a person's physiology to the extent that blood would be able to be processed with maximum efficiency.

If you with the necromancy line, it's not so much the blood itself but the lifeforce within blood that keeps the magic sustaining the vampire in check.

It would still mean bloated vampires though, which would make an interesting story concept :)

Your friend sounds awesome - a hematologist with an academic interest in vampires is good in my books :D

Kristi said...

Now that brought a tear to my eye once I got done laughing :o]

Kinda takes the sexy mysterious aura away when you put it in those terms.

Thanks for the laugh; I needed it today!

I'll definitely be back :o]


RosieC said...

Poor Edward! He should never look like that!

Yeah, I think scientists are too stuffy to have an awesome imagination. I'd rather have the imagination than live without a few beautiful vampires in my life :)

Small Review said...

LOL! I'm so glad you chose to show a picture of bloated Edward and not bloated Damon. :) I think I'm ok with vampires not being scientifically possible. I still like 'em.

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